the unbelieving priest

Sometimes I wonder how much priests should artiiculate their own struggles, their own doubts. I am by nature a pretty honest person; I don't like hypocrisy, and I cannot bear being lied to. But I also know that responsibilites come with being a priest, as they do with being a teacher or a politician or a mother, and the mode and the extent of one's own expression of feeling has to be considered in the light of their effects upon the people whose priest/politician/ mother/ whatever you are.  Traditionally, the responsibility of priesthood would have taken precendnece, I guess, but we lie in a world where a large number of people value how "real" you are being as a human being, never mind whether or not you are a priest. Others still have clear expectations of what a priest should or shouldnt' stand for, should or shouldn't say, and it's not always obvious what are the expectations of the person sitting in fromnt of you. THe issue, I suppose, is not so much one of truth or lies,  but of how much of the truth you should tell in a given situation. Which is all very well, except that you are not always completely informed as to what "situation" you are in...

Early last week I was talking with someone who struggles with his own faith, not feeling quite able to believe in it, and yet not qute able to leave it either.  I thought for a while, and then replied by giving an account of why I go on believing even when a lot of the time Idon't feel as if I believe.  Not a very easy or logical thing to explain.

"I don't know if it helps at all really to say that," I said, after an attempt at explaining it, "but it might be better to tell you the God's honest truth about how my faith works (and sometimes doesn't) than to give you the impression that true Christians don't have any doubts or struggles." 

As I said it, I wondered whether I had just rocked his world a little too much? Maybe he came looking for solid reassurance, not further confirmation that there is, in reality, quite a lot to feel insecure and doubtful about.

He replied, "I can't tell you how profoundly helpful it is to hear that you doubt your faith. In fact, it makes me think I might carry on with the struggle instead of walking away and leaving it behind."

Later in the week I read a moving account of this struggle between faith, doubt, honesty and responsbility - the sort of things where you think, "well, now I don't need to write it as someone has already said it better than I could" over here: In His Courts .

Comments

[Hugh A]

I was brought up in an evangelical environment so was taught to equate questioning with doubting and doubting with a lack of faith. I have since learnt that to question your faith is to explore it and to accept that there are some things that you will never sort out because we are finite trying to understand the infinite God; as my minister puts it, you put them in a box marked "for future light". I recently came across a quote from Cardinal Ratzinger which talked about the person of faith having to live in a sea of doubt. Faith isn't about certainty but about believing despite the doubts.

[Rachel]

I'm so glad you told this story. And I'm glad the man responded as he did. There's no way of knowing, of course, what reaction this kind of encounter might provoke -- but in my experience, everyone with whom I've been honest about my spiritual life (and the struggles which sometimes come with it) has been appreciative of my honesty. It's a difficult line to walk sometimes, but I think it's worth it.

[Simon Marsh]

Maggi: thanks so much for this. Maybe one of the reasons God called you to be a priest was, precisely, your honesty and your willingness to articulate faith and doubt.

I often wonder how many St Thomas led to lasting faith! And for myself, I've joked for years that I wear a dog collar about my neck so that the good Lord can give it a tug every once in a while!

Actually I think that there is a new level of honesty bubbling up in the Church in our day ... all of which makes it an exciting time to be an Episcopalian ... ooops: I meant to say a NW England Anglican ...

Honestly.

Thanks for the link back to FACTORING IN ... the other day. It was more than generous.

[maggi]

thank you, blog friends. that is most encouraging

[lisa]

Many Christians who I have asked questions of give 'the right' answer - whether they believe it or not. They somehow think that their lack of faith will enflate my lack of faith. Infact, it works the other way round. If someone is honest with me about their doubts then, like the man you spoke of, this will give me hope. We need to show our weakenesses and stop being these supposedly strong rocks that we think help others. Give those who are questionning a little more credit and don't think they will turn away from faith purely because someone else shows any degree of disbelief.

[Phil]

Evangelical icon John Wesley struggled with all sorts of spiritual doubts, but they became less important after he stepped into the missio Dei in Bristol, 1739. Somehow, through his immersion in ministry to others, he became less absorbed with his own inner struggles. Living into the servant-heart of Christ by simple obedience seemed to mark a more confident journey of faith.

I say 'more' confident because it was still a journey day-by-day... and doubts of all sorts would still be encountered along life's way.

So, he wouldn't say, "get over it." (The Moravians tried that advice on him and it only backfired.) But he might say, look for the Bristols in your neighborhood of the missio Dei.

I hope this doesn't sound overly simplistic-- I certainly don't intend it to be. Its just that I'm a little worried that the discourse of doubt has its own subtle evasions. Its not always as 'honest' as we like to think.

[Tony B]

Speaking as an almost-but-not-quite Christian, nothing would give me greater encouragement to come into the fold than the knowledge that even clergy have doubts. What could be more discouraging than to be told anything different?

[Sue]

Thank you for this thoughtful post, and welcome to the RevGal ring!

[Keith Brenton]

Could it be that faith without doubt is just gullibility?

[proclaimingsoftly]

How could we ever talk with our pastor if we didn't think she/he could relate to our questions and doubting? I feel sorry for people in traditions that admit no doubts. I do like the RC words about the Mystery of Faith.