I heard someone on the radio the other day talking about how he "changed his life" by learning to say "yes". All his life, he said, he was inclined to say "no", because things were too much effort, or he was tired, or he couldn't be bothered... and he ended up doing a lot of watching the TV and feeling pretty lonely. I was intrigued by this, as it's pretty much the opposite of my own inclination, which is to say "yes" to too many things, because I like a challenge, hate being bored, love being in the middle of a creative project, hate having nothing to do.
While the man on the radio was learning to say "yes", I was learning to say "no" . And that, I have discovered, is not simply learning the habit of not saying "yes", but of developing a clear idea of how much time and energy a particular commitment will require, not just on the day iself, but in terms of preparation of material, travel, and recovery time. It's not enough to look in the diary and say "yes, I'm free on that date", you also have to judge whether you can build in the time and enrgy before and after the event. Here's three things I do if I'm not sure whether to say yes or no to a really interesting sounding project:
1. Don't say anything right away - say "that sounds fantastic, but I'll need to read through the diary carefully before I commit to it. Can I call you back tomorrow?"
2. Ask myself whether this opportunity will squeeze my existing commitments too much - time with my son, good performance in my primary place of work, time for friends and family, "down" time...
3. Ask myself whether this is an opportunity that someone else I know is absolutely gasping for. Once you are known for something you are constantly swamped with invitiations. Talented unknowns need to be put in the spotlight. say, "I can't do that date, but if you're interested I know someone else who I think might be very good."
4. Bear in mind that if I say yes in good faith and then circumstances dictate otherwise, it won't be the end of the world. Recently I've had to pull out of several dates due to family illness. It goes against the grain to let people down, but it's essential to one's sanity to know that you are never indispensible.
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