Doubting Thomas? or Honest Thomas?

Yesterday was our first Sunday of term. We normally follow the lectionary readings in our services, but there are particular things going on in College at the moment that demand some kind of response to feelings of uncertainty and insecurity. So last night I departed from the lectionary and preached about Thomas. John 20 relates the story of the disciple who was not there when Jesus' made a resurrection appearace to the gathered disciples. Later he couldn't take in the information - couldn't believe unless he saw for himself.

Thomas has often been called "doubting Thomas" - a title that is hardly a compliment. But there are lots of reasons, I think, for applauding Thomas - he was honest, he didn't pretend to have faith he didn't have, he didn't just go along with the crowd. He did that very hard thing, which is to own up to being the odd one out among a group of friends. And, bravely, even when he was the odd one out, he didn't go away and isolate himself, he jsut carried on meeting with the other disciples until, a week later, he saw Jesus for himself and found a faith that he COULD own.

Doubt is not the same as unbelief. Unbelief is a determined refusal to believe, whereas doubt is an honest owning up to not being convinced. In Judaism, according to Jonathan Sacks, the Chief Rabbi of Britain and the Commonwealth, "To be without questions is not a sign of faith, but of lack of depth." And he encourages people not only to ask questions about the meaning of the faith, but to question God. We ask questions, says Sacks, "not because we doubt, but because we believe."

Some years ago I went through a period of profound doubt in the existence of God. I suppose most people do at some point, but it was a particular crisis for me as I had just begun training for ordination at the time. (If only I could have lost my faith six months earlier when I still had a career going elsewhere!) After a while I decided to own up and tell one of my Tutors what was going on. I fully expected to be told to get my act together, or catch the next train out of Cambridge. But no. this older, wise person said, "You've been a Christian for nearly three decades already: your faith is in your bones and your marrow. If you're really losing your faith, it's going to take time. So you can afford to relax. Don't feel obliged to believe anything you don't believe. Keep on studying, keep on hanging around the community, and just see what happens. If God is there he will show up again sooner or later...   Oh, and by the way, if you find that God actually DOESN'T exist, you'd better come back and tell me as I shall want to leave the Church too."
This proved eminently sensible advice. Without the pressure to produce the elusive faith I relaxed in my doubts for a few months. And somewhere - I can't quite think when or how - suddenly there it was again. There HE was again.

Thomas obviously didn't go ON being troubled with doubt. Christian tradition has it that Thomas was the disciple who took the gospel to India, where later he was martyred. And people don't get martyred for something they aren't too convinced about.

Coleridge wrote some good stuff about doubt. Here's a thought for the day:
"Dubious questioning is a much better evidence than that senseless deadness which most take for believing. People that know nothing...have no doubts. Never be afraid to doubt, if only you have the disposition to believe, and doubt in order that you may end in believing the truth."

Comments

[-ash]

that was abundantly helpful! thanks

[john alan turner]

Lovely post today, Maggie. I've just gotten around to reading Os Guinness' treatment of this subject GOD IN THE DOCK. In it, he says that doubt is really faith suffering from mistreatment or malnutrition (p. 8). Your words today compliment him nicely.

[michael lee]

beautiful. I've linked it at my blog - addisonrd.com

it's the rare teacher who can bring honest discussion to issues of doubt and faith.

[Kathryn]

Wonderful wonderful post...(and would be even if there weren't rather alot else going on). Oh I /do/ wish you weren't tied up on 3rd July: you could have preached on Thomas for my first Eucharist :-(

[hopefulamphibian]

Lovely post. I wonder if some of the more 'faithful' disciples just stood there rooted with envy as Jesus ministered to Thomas' doubt: "He doubted, so how come he gets the special attention?" (Indeed, I wonder how the 'faithful' Peter felt with all that unfinished business still hovering over him.)

[Humble Secretary]

There isn't an answer to this mini-rant - but this sort of discussion always leaves me a little sad about the problem that I had with the evangelicals* who trashed my doubts as a character flaw, and a sign that my faith was not mature - or that I had a problem with my head. The last point they made is absolutely spot on. And while I know instinctively that it is their problem more than mine - 10 years later their legacy lives on and makes me prefer unbelief to doubt. I know essentially I have to take responsibility for my mindset now - but how much it is shaped by past unkindenesses is difficult to quantify.

*I know some deeply wonderful evangelicals - who would not have formed such conclusions in the face of someone's doubt. I am only commenting on the ones I met during such time.

[Serena]

I found the sermon this is from so enormously comforting and helpful - and I think more people need to hear this sort of liberating thought! :)

[tash]

hi maggi..
your thoughts have spurred on my reflections on some interesting discussions last week with my young adult leaders.. talking about the extent to which we wrestle with scripture..

thanks for your stepping stone..
tash

[Paul Fromont]

One of the realities behind the choice of the name Thomas :-) Very timely post.

[Caroline]

Sometimes I wonder if doubt is really wonderfully generative of faith.

On more than one occasion I've found that the person in front of me talking of losing their faith was, in fact, losing somebody else's faith. On most occasions the person found their own faith lurking around parts of their life where they hadn't been looking. Only once did the person, sadly, not find their own faith (yet).

[lexicon]

I think Thomas is a hero of the New Testament, and I dislike John's anti-Thomas rhetoric. Frankly, I've never understood why God would value faith, when acceptance is actually more honest praise.

[Kathryn]

Can I borrow your comments box for a second maggi, as I've mislaid Caroline's email and just wanted to thank her for her last comment, which I found phenomenally helpful. Must remember that..specially as I'm just off to see someone for whom it might have been written :-)

[Duncan Macleod]

Hi Maggi
Thanks for your post - I've followed the link from Prodigal Kiwi. I had a similar experience as a student training for ministry. I took a few threads out of the fundamentalist garment I was wearing and soon found I'd unravelled the lot! I vividly remember the moment when I sat down and said to God, "I don't know if I can believe in you anymore. I'm not sure if you're anymore than a tribal god made big. But here I am - with a faith that won't go away."

I've been re-reading Tom Beaudoin's book, Virtual Faith, and am reminded again of the power of engaging ambiguity, uncertainty without fear of rejection or ridicule. Tom points us to the revelatory power found in the expression of doubt.

[magz]

Have you seen "In Your Hands" (a danish film just out by Lars Von Trier). It follows "Anna" a first year out priest who has taken a job in a women's prison where she meets Kate - rumoured to be imbued with supernatural abilities. The film lured me with this statement: "The opposite of faith is not doubt. The opposite of faith is knowledge" Would love to hear what you think of it...

[maggi]

magz I haven't seen it, but will look out for it (is it in Cambridge?). I remember being completely exhasuted by Breaking the Waves, but it went on haunting me for ages afterwards. Is In Your Hands done with Dogme rules?

[Dayzeee]

I heard somewhere that the opposite of faith is certainty - a definition, as I see it, that would mean doubt is part of faith.

[Frank Durkee]

In this age and culture profound doubt is a concomittant of being alive. Not just intellectually but also socially and ethically. Luthers 'dark acts of God' seem to multiply almost beyond belief. My own experience is that the depth and extent of doubt is the measure of the extent and depth of trust and encounter with Presence. The two go together and build a kind of humility of observation joined with a profound compassion. At least for me it is those actions that allow the Kingdom of justice and love to break into our actual reality that most clearly point to Presence in the world. Internally the stillness and clarity seem to carry the same weight.

[Keith Brenton]

I can't criticize Thomas. Because I don't think he was trying to be funny or sarcastic when Jesus set out for Jerusalem and he said to his fellow followers "Let's also go, so that we may die with Him." - John 11:16

Maybe his faith came and went, but when it came - it came on strong!

[James]

Thanks for this post. Another signpost on the journey!

[magz]

"In your hands" is on at the `Arts Picturehouse' cambs, and yes, it is done according to dogme rules. Relies on the strength of drama alone, and has that gritty real feel... Dayzeee, i like what you said about certainty (rather than knowledge). This whole post has been really helpful to me right now. Thanks everyone, and thanks maggi.

[andii]

I've just been reading an article that re-engages with Peter Berger's 'Social Construction of Reality', particularly making me think again about plausibility structures and then I read your thoughts here and they interacted -and I find myself thinking about doubt as the opposite of plausibility rather than 'faith' as such. I've recorded my initial thoughts about this, a bit confusedly at
http://anamchairde.blogspot.com/2005/05/doubting-thomas-or-honest-thomas.html
I'd love for further comments.Cheeky I know but I don't want to overdo it on a limited comment space.

[maggi]

nice further thoughts there, Andii. Maybe I should post my whole sermon up here - it seems to have touched a nerve!

[Serena]

Yes, you should :P

[kit]

Brilliant stuff. Refreshing. I'd never thought about this, but the existence of oulr term 'doubting thomas' is a powerful construction that portrays spiritual honesty as negative and to be avoided. It's terms like that that reflect and promote an ugly attitude to faith.

[steve collins]

your tutor is obviously yoda